Complications - Part 4

Chapter 5    Complications

Part 4

Nicki’s screams filled the enclosed pale room; crying out while giving birth to their baby. Blood enveloping the hospital bed; while panicked doctors shouted urgently to one another. He watched her clinging to the little energy she had left, hanging onto life by a tread and looking into his eyes while she faded away.

SB had yet to rid the horrific reoccurring dream from his mind. He couldn’t take the thought. Fear terrorized him mercilessly. No longer did he want to take her to the hospital. The image of the perfect family was nowhere in sight. There would be no perfect family when his love was gone. Only ruin, pain and sorrow. Every night he watched his whole life crumble. A dream never seemed more realistic. All he hoped now was that she wasn’t pregnant, he couldn’t lose her. Nicki had been whining about the “Fun Place” for over an hour. But SB had yet to get out of the bed. The sound of her voice was the only thing that kept him calm. She was still with him, for now. And as much as he wanted to avoid the situation at hand, going to the hospital would be his only release. The only thing that could possibly destroy the ruthless idea that stalked him.

“Nic!” He called finally getting up from the bed.

“What?” She answered back from the bathroom; unable to help herself she’d been touching up her makeup constantly.

“Maybe we should go to the hospital first. See what’s been going on with you.” He walked past her turning the hot water on in the shower.

“Nothing’s going on with me” She informed reapplying her Pink Nuevo lipstick.

“Huh?” Was she crazy? No nothing’s going on I just might be pregnant. He thought sarcastically to himself.

“Nothing’s wrong with me Safaree, I haven’t been sick in days”

“That’s not what I’m talking about Nic” He called over the crashing of the water.

“Then what?” She turned now facing the shower. He didn’t speak, but simply sped up the process of washing himself. When he got out Nicki had returned to the bedroom; laying on the bed with her macbook pro on twitter. He approached the bed with a black dry towel wrapped around his waist. The afternoon sun lit the contours of his abs. Nic marveled at the sight.

“Shouldn’t we go make sure you’re…pregnant?” He choked on the last word, his stomach cringing.

“What?” She was trying to avoid his question as long as possible. She’d found out days ago that she wasn’t, but was terrified to tell SB. Worried that he’d be hurt or disappointed, and she didn’t want to do that to him. He was so psyched about the idea of being a family, and denying him what he’d always wanted would be malignant. She couldn’t do it, she wouldn’t. Someone else had too. But going to the hospital and having a doctor break the news, really wouldn’t be much better. He would still hurt the same, and on her end she’d have to pretend that she didn’t know, and it was a surprise.

“This is important Nic, we need to know” He took his time getting dressed, not wanting to find out too soon. Nicki sighed closing the laptop, walking over to him. She would tell him, he deserved it. The sunlight didn’t seem so bright in this moment. She held his hands, which hung at their sides.

“I’m not pregnant.”The words came out in slow motion. Though relief ruled his body, a glint of anger did as well.

“How long have you known?” He asked through his teeth, hands swelling into fists under hers.

“I’m sorry” She apologized shaking her head. His eyes closed as he dropped his fists to his sides.

“How long have you known?” He repeated.

“A few days” Her head hung, and she didn’t dare raise it. He backed away, creating a wounding space between them.

“Safaree, I’m sorry!” She reached out for him, but he pulled back; refusing to be touched.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” He shouted, throwing his hands up. Pools of furious tears blinded him. Those horrific dreams could have been avoided from the beginning. The heart wrenching pictures of losing Nicki to child birth, watching her life fade away, and losing everything that kept him alive could have never haunted his thoughts. And this fact drove him mad.

“I didn’t want to hurt you! But I…”

“And you thought not telling me was better?” The yelling hadn’t ceased. Nicki’s eyes were already a well, but the outraged, pained expression on SB’s face forced the tears to cascade.

“No, I wanted to tell you but…it’s complicated”

“Complicated? Do you know what I went through not knowing? What I thought about? What could have happened to you?” His yells pierced every room in the condo, echoing throughout; shattering her eardrums and severing her heart. He paced back and forth unable to keep still. He couldn’t bare losing her, not even in his dreams or thoughts. She was his reason for living and without her he had no purpose.

“Stop, just talk to me” She pleaded, attempting to calm him. His paces sped up, but seemed to play out in slow motion.

“Faree” She cried out. In that instant his arms were constricting her, warms tears hitting her forehead. She melted into him, hugging him close, nails digging into his back. He held her as if this day was her judgment day; like he had no more time with her. Cherishing the feeling of her in his arms, her weight against his body. This was an awakening; he wasn’t ready for kids. Not ready to risk the only thing that kept him alive. She was everything.

~TBC~